It has been heavily accepted in the chrome-coated
cross-configured hallway of CLS that both Meredith-Elise Willow and partner in
crime bosom barfly Cabbages Elise McGranahan are heavily into Elves and into
Gnomes. The first time Patrick heard
this slip of gossip he extended a generous welcome to the girls by inviting
them to partake in one of Mike Pierce’s explosive D &D druid escapades,
explaining that, even though he had already attained the notable caliber of
Labyrinth Landlord, there is still plenty of room for novices, especially those
disguised as Gnomes and Elves who hopefully wear ass-harnessing thongs
underneath their protective codpieces which, hopefully, if the current
adventure meanders in the direction of the majority of Mike Pierce’s politely
perverted quips, will mean that a good time will be had by all, without the
extension of the dice.
Where
VonBehren’s MARVEL campaign heavily involves each singular character coming out
on top, providing intergalactic salvation for a universe that never seem to
understand or acknowledge them, Pierce’s D & D campaign sometimes resemble
a madrigal porn shot at a renaissance faire, where the jousting knight is just
a little bit too happy to see the obligatory damsel in distress and gets
carried away with his jousting pole. Tim’s campaign, DC, is, as he will tell
you, played solely by the heavily annotated rules, dice dropped solely by Tim
alone, behind a thick, impermeable screen Tim spray painted into an admanteum
finesse, stating that most of all, what he enjoys about incessantly reminding
his patrons that he is the GM is watching their expressions as he announces
their feeble numbers rolled. Patrick likes to stare into the impermeable screen
and see his own disgruntled, pissed-off reflection as Tim announces that once
again, (as normally seems to happen) he is more or less fucked, dictated by the
sporadic clatter of the dice, with Tim, making the comment in an almost Dick
and Gene fashion, that Patrick just shouldn’t have done his last move, boy.
That he shouldn’t have done that at all.
***
After batting off Gayle Humermann’s
advances Patrick arrives late to first hour Misses Mooney’s first hour English.
Due to the recent construction on the school ground, nearly all of the Loser
Lockers are located inside Misses Mooney’s classroom, abutting the side of the
wall. The Varsity Elite, having around the clock access to their weight room/
Sauna/ Turkish bath workout facility where Marcellus Buck boats about getting
more than just his lumbago massaged on a daily basis by the thoroughly endowed
personal trainers Coach M has hired to keep the team more relaxed in pre-game
rituals and warm-ups.
The majority of the Varsity Elite
show up for first hour and then slowly evaporate throughout the discourse of
the day, so that fifty minutes later, in second hour Rev Morningwoods sloshed
on command Confirmation classes Tod Nelson is usually the only student clad in
his Varsity Elite garb to be found seated in the cross shaped formation of chairs while a
transparently soused Rev Morningwoods warbles on about the nature of the cross.
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