“Oh my God, Tim! Look. Oh my God!”
“I won’t say it….”
“Patrick?”
Can you believe it, Wolvie?
There is the moment that is before.
“If they’re empty they’re just like toys…”
“Do you even know what the word dude means....?”
"That's my name!"
“I would tell you all if I knew how.”
Motherfucker.
Check. Check. One. Check check check one
“I don’t know where to begin,”
A pair of time-space binocular crafted lenses
….And she is coming
And Brooksie
Two…
Hale says explicitly into his shouldered cellular that he’ll
be there as soon
as he shits, showers, and shaves, people.
One for me and one for you, baby.
Thank you.
No dream.
“Patrick, wake up. They’re closing.”
Good stories, too,
The one thing that will never fail.
often have no beginning and no ending.
Yeah.
“Is this thing even fucking working? Hello???”
“Patrick—what’s
going on here? I’m scared.”
“If you want to see
what the inside of my heart looks like angel,
Looking back,
reflecting a decade or so into the past
Everyone who enters into the den-o-Pat is required to spank
the coconut monkey first.
Wake.
Yeah! Spank that Monkey, baby.
All you gotta do is
look down
Yeah!
Somewhere there is a penciled photo of the group
as calloused-fingertip bassist and informally renowned quote
“Jester” Timm Gillick
Defined and stenciled.
Us.
Caricatures of Dave and Kristina and Patrick and Jacqueline.
“Only I don’t know now and I probably never will.”
Caricatures of Amber and Chuck with the one dead tooth in
her smile and the
skin of Hickey-Nikki.
Dion and Hale and that oh-so semi-conspicuous girl of the
Burgundy dales.
The group decorated in smeared pencil shades-
One complete smirked body.
Whole and complete.
As once it was, many lays ago Little Tree in
Lums.
Just be sure to adjust the visor on your halo
first
(Love)
“Why don’t you just start with…”
Even to this day…
In a different smear hooded psychotic wet dream known simply
as us with quotation
marks banked around it-
“Us” huddled onto an unsuspecting sheaf of severed notebook
paper;
“Us” decked out behind a billowing curtain of Loony Tune
eyebrows and prominent
cartoon jowls.
For ornithological purposes only, of course.
Placed on the same caliber of National cabinets and
syndicated farce.
Underneath the manor of our facial expressions supinely lies
a poem Jester Timm
composed.
Timm said it was either an epigram or an epitaph.
Or both.
David Hale’s e-mail address is
About all of us.
Everything moves.
Lums Bums
‘In the beginning…’
or
He forgot which word preformed what meaning and dubbed it
all as arbitrary literary
bosh and blather from the outset anyway.
The address of his heart
Particles of a dappled daydream.
Double-you, double-you, double-you dot
Dross
At one time or another.
I would kill to see that image again.
Begin here.
World enough Anne Sexton.
Once upon a time
Pause.
Julia Robert would make a good Rogue.
Press play to continue.
“If this school year was anything…
“Did it hurt?”
“Boys, I believe you heard the whistle. I believe you know
what that means.”
Role dice.
The wisped vocals piled on top of smoky foreheads.
Click the channel.
The slow, gradual
severing of sugar packets.
“I believe in….”
“…..”
Action.
The letting go of our bodies.
“…I hate to see what this summer is going to be like.”
Rip.
The outpouring of our breath from vessels exuding steam
followed by black liquid.
Will someone please remind him that we are superheroes,
anomalies of society
and that
we are never going to
die.”
Patrick, really…
Tim Flanagan’s house on Sherman has been razed to make way
for a Walgreens…
Spoons reclining as teenage girls who worship the sun
recline.
who uses the word
‘Vagina’ as a code to unearth the secrets of life these days?
The house where we first dropped dice and discovered the
numerical font of our imaginations…
“I lost it. I fucking
lost it.”
Breath pouring out of our body as liquid from heated
carafes.
The womb of Sidearms and Deathshadow and Juggernat and
Wolverine
Cha-Ching.
No more.
“When you fell out of heaven,”
Verifying existence
by tendrils of exhaust.
“Dude man, Dave, you're trying too hard.”
“There will always be cigarettes.”
Patrick hammering out vapor on the window pain at LUMS.
Here's to a long….
DICK, DICK DICK DICK DICK
“Banana. Banana. Bann-nana-nana.”
“Listen,
Tim. I’ve been thinking.
Dave, you’re trying too hard.
The time
has come.
“What life?”
“May you live as
long as you want…”
In a restaurant Hale labels fine dining establishment.
The fucking rest of our….
“What the fuck is Elmo?
“But never want as
long as you may…
The time
has come for us to play without the dice.
… live.”
Sizz.
Ahh.
Looking back—
It’s come
Tim.
There will always be cigarettes.
“The time
has come.”
No more.
Shit!
And sunsets where we look out and point, asking each other
if we know what lies behind it.
Patrick? Patrick?
“Did it hurt?”
“You’re scarring me. Stop it.”
“Your ass in the car right now young man.”
“Patrick!”
Touching his elongated and warty forefinger to glass.
If you really wanna know the truth it felt a little odd
getting so close to someone
“There’s a reason why all of this shit is happening to you
Dave, you're trying too ...
In the same fine dining establishment with the first same
letter as her first name.
“When I was in junior high I hated being young.”
and then having them leave right away.
…. hard.
Writing the words “Fuck Off” into the expired breath
windowpane at LUMS
then smearing it into
his reflection with the Southern Hemisphere of his palm.
“God Damnit people. Comon!”
“There is the moment that is before.”
The Van-O-Hale.
Whew-hoo. Hey booboo,
Howsa bout a pick-e-nick basket?
“There are very altruistic motives for doing that sir.”
“Wah—I have sand in my clit.”
Shit!
And the answer we give each other is almost always the same
Shit be hittin’ the oscillating fan woman.”
“They’re for ornithological purposes, sir.”
“And there is the moment that is after.”
“Daaa-haaaa-aaaa-vvvveeeeeee
Nod of Head.
Beer.
“Yes she was.”
anyoldways
Patrick nods his gruff profile.
Beer.
“Look out, there, far past the sunset. Do you know what that
is?”
Beer.
Shit be hittin’ it.
“Do you boy? Out past the hues of that long tilted Illinois
sunset?”
And there is the moment when.
“Beer and women.”
“AHH!! Shit!!! For the love of God people! Fuck!!!”
“Dude man, LUMS.”
“Before and after…”
Barefoot.
“They’re fucking! Look. In the woods!”
“Arthur don’t say that!”
“Becomes before and after.”
"Good God, good grief. Come on let's eat, people."
“Oh my God Tim. Look! Oh my God!”
“Dude man, Enya.”
-356.
“Can’t beat Buenos Aires can you?”
“Dude man…..”
-356.
Said with both sincerity and serenity,
Pointing his plank forefinger at the RCA dog
drooling at the boxed animal bearing the same….
Pregnant.
“…that's us!”
Look at us. What the fuck is all this mess? Look at us.
Even as one rather impecunious an academically fucked-up
author writes this now....
What the fuck?
We don't drink together as often as we should.
“Dude man,”
“I love you back.”
“Yours is beautiful.”
"Where's Nate?"
“I wanted to suck it.”
my little snuggle-bunny.
Merry-Mary welcome to your stay
in what once was the Holy Kingdom of God through Kris and of
Rick and A.J.
And.
JackieNickieHollyWollyNessieWessieHickeyLickeyLauriueformeCabbieWabbieMerdeithShitlessAmberSteelelikeherheartifyouwereanythingothervansmartassville.
The barber of…..
“So is yours.”
What sort of fucking world are we living in
Was what Lisa-Joy told him
“Oh geez, only those. Sure you didn’t omit anyone.”
Patrick, it's dark down here, I can hardly see where I’m
going.
We hope you’ve enjoyed your stay….
Transients welcome.
where you can’t see reality for what it really is,
“Patrick, turn the goddamn lights back on in your basement!”
“Ahch.”
“Patrick, turn your light back on. Comon!”
"Did it hurt?"
“…..over these past four years.”
“Shit.”
“If only these tables had lips instead of legs.”
“What the fuck? Who's firing B.B's in my basement?”
“Let’s go do a little Laid-right and a movie, Whew-hoo!”
“Could you only imagine what they would say?”
“Terry, put my fathers machete back inside the garage right
now.”
“Fuck you piss-ant, BumFuck Bowman!”
so you keep concocting scenarios to justify the validity of
your own existence?”
"He's out in the kitchen choking his creative
chicken."
Everything moves.
You know this.
Ba-BAWK!
Fellatio.
Particles…
The church.
Mary!!!!!
Whew-hoo!
Cody!!!!!
…of a dappled dream.
Da’ Church.
Paradise!
Tabitha!
Diamond!
Nathan flips David a White cigarette called a Black Russian,
The only thing on my mind Jean is………….
Da’ shit.
“Did it hurt?”
Twenty-four hours in a day
The kid seemed to have possessed something Patrick had lost
a long time ago,
Chopity-Chip-chop chop.
"The single thing proves over and over again to be…….
Col. Iron Horse. Digital Justice. Side Arms. Dakota North.
Rogue. Maxima.
Hard to see the dark force is.
Twenty-four beers in a case…
“I hated being young.”
“Where the fuck are all these voices coming from?”
“I hate being broke.”
“Coincidence?”
“Dave, turn the lights on down here, I can't see a god damn
fuckin' thing.”
“I think it’s time to start thinking about bed guys.”
“Ouch!”
With the lights out it’s ass dangerous.
“I think not.”
“Did what hurt?”
Holly Lyons. Riley Love. Jenny. Amber. Laurianne. Vanessa.
You are unaware of what reality you are currently engrossed
in
Fuckin’ dangerous.
Fun
Perhaps her arm is an extension cord plugged into something
much more deeper
Laid right and a movie.
because you have been shielded by so many
My Pizza.
‘Aint it?
That.
Damnit Hale!
Than what he can possibly fathom
-Get outta here.
He-he-he.
“My Pizza, my pizza. I want my pizza.”
“What the fuck is Elmo?”
“Dave, today is just not a good day to go into the woods.”
“Where is home?”
Swords hill and Lemon shake-ups
In that summer when we first discovered hair on our nads.
Jeremy Noel purses his lips into a chapped peach pit
Talks about ‘ewe’s’ and ‘gross’,
Demanding without compromise fifteen more minutes on the VIX
twenty.
“Well, you know, pretty much anyone, with, of course, the
obvious exception of
Space Invaders. Donkey Kong. Mario Brothers.
“If this school year is anything…
Frogger.
Shit bro, check out that ass over there.
Ribbit.
“Damnit Matt. Leave. Just leave. No one wants you here.”
“I hate to see what this summer will be like.”
A fuckin’ flotation device.
Fizzzzzzzzz.
“Three beers, us on three beers. No fuckin' way.”
“More coffee?”
“Dude man, can I bum one of those?”
Shit.
Boy, where are you going now?
“Dude man, I wanted to suck it.”
Surrogate Human Imitative Trader.
“And just where the fuck do you think you’re going?”
Away.
Nowhere to faretheewell.
Away.
Nowhere to forget the storybook cha-cha licketysplit.
Up.
These are the welts that give my soul a cigarette ring burn.
These are the welts that compel me to rise and yearn.
Burn.
Jip class to write excess—
callused like a grade school boys palm and monkey bars.
yes,
I’m sad and lonely and for once wish that all would be good
in the world
—but, yes, of course, that is just like a…
…fool.
…or and Infinite
Jester.
Dave, look here.
A finger points by reflex and by reflex alone.
Shit, people come on now.
“All rise…”
Attired boy in purple warbles mathematical nonesuch into
more of a fence than a screen.
…for the reading of the epistles.
The jester has left his so-called basketball court.
A whistle. A condom packet.
“David A. VonBehren is that you?”
“Oh my God. Shit. You know what would happen if my parents
found out about this?”
Stealing firecrackers.
“Yellow.”
She lives one Institute.
Someone is urinating on Tim Flanagan's piece-o-shit.
Please turn to the first chapter in REVELATIONS.
This is Warren.
CLACK!!!!
“How’s it goin’?”
Fingers dab dry tongues of elders. Volumes of Holy letters
flutter.
“Allota Nothin’.”
“You human all-too-human’s all too soon forget,”
Fla-fla-fla-fla-fla.
Leave a message.”
“Hey good lookin’ Whatcha got cookin’?”
“Ah shit man, you shouldn’t have done that boy.”
“I can’t believe he wants us to wear these.”
“Do you know what my parents would do if they found out I
had this in the house?”
Role again.
I’m the GM…..
Ribbed shot glass from Wisconsin…
You may be seated for the….
A very Tim Flanagan quote,
“My ass.”
A dodge Ram Parked under a pre-come fountain at Versailles.
Tim says the word DIE to Hale.
Out loud
Licking a cloud of
nuclear detritus hushing with his lips and arms.
Terry Mooney went on Sebastian Holiday to Juvie for
possession of an armed weapon.
…..telling us all that we were S.O.L. (N.F.K.)
from the outset of
our thoroughly soused and sozzled sojourn.
Patrick is dropping dice. Hale is lighting a stogie.
The cigar is
shaped liked the sewer tunnel we all got lost in at one lifetime or another.
Choke.
Fucker.
I thought you guys were my….
System of transcendental insight.
Whatever.
“Goddamnit Dave!”
“He-he.”
Nothing under this sleeve.
L_____, can you hear me.
“If my character dies, I’ll just rejuvenate him.”
“Fuck me.”
I know but
it’s just a lollipop proverb.
“No, but it sounds like it might work.”
“My….”
“She’ll be…”
Shit.
“Motherfucker.”
Something to suck on.”
Coma.
Brooksie one.
Holly Lyons.
Until you get to the middle and there’s
“One for me and one for…”
Brooksie two, baby!
Woo-hoo!
He-he-he-he-he-he.
Nothing left
“No Dave, I know what you and Kristina were really doing
last night.”
“MMMYellow.”
“Patrick, it’s dark down here.”
Patrick comments, casually
I think it’s about time to start thinking about bed guys.
David,
Damnit Pat!
Patrick chain smokes Marlboro’s in the back seat of the
limousine.
“Shit! I mean…”
…Where’s my poem?”
“e-e-e-e-e”
“Did your grandmother ever cry?”
“Why the fuck would anyone want to go to Argentina, I’m
mean, what’s in Argentina?”
Patrick
“Three hundred and fifty six.”
really needs to find out where the little man in the canoe
is buried one of these days
Seventeen dollars ended up missing.
“Patrick—what’s
going on here? I’m scared.”
“I’ve heard that Florida is extremely nice this time of
year.”
“Hey-hay Dave, have a cigar.”
There will always be cigarettes.
“That’s my name!!!!!”
“Dude man, I wanted to….”
“Fucked a guy here
once, kind of liked it wouldn’t mind doing it again sometime soon.”
Damn.
“He ate three big foot pizza’s, four bowls of cereal,
and then politely asked what was for dessert.
Like a man who can
eat.
--PATRICK A. MC REYNOLDS.
Shit!
“Wrong Hole.”
There is the moment that is before.
Pat M’crotch.
“True but No.”
Telling the boys for what he says will be the third and
final time…
You tell me.
“I think it’s time to start thinking about bed guys.”
While we were all still quite, quite young.
The story begins.
Finnegan Macintosh Hale McReynolds.
“There is the moment that is before…”
the only reason I did that was because I though it was you.”
“You drank how much?”
“...said out loud, with expression.”
“…..but the possibility of every single thing shows us
something about the nature of..
There is the moment that is after.
“…..the world.”
After words.
Before sex there is always coffee.
“Wouldn’t do me any good.”
“Care to put your shekels where your shit is, Sherlock?”
To create our own worlds.
Can feel her felt.
“Besides,”
“Dude, Dave, you’re trying too damn hard.”
Planets are created out of Halo’s and Good buys.
“Seen it with my own two eyes.”
“Harder, harder, fuck me.”
“I don’t know why.”
A V. Hall of mirrors, funny, only if the dice declare so…
“I’m pushin.’ I’m pushin’ lady.”
Contortions of our own reality, which by those shapes,
suggested mandates which to govern out our lives by.
“…our own fucking view of the Carl Sagan Cosmos.”
“I only know because you said it was.”
“I’m pushing as hard as I can!”
Yesnomaybeso.
According to Hale, a little e.e.cummings said that.
Seen it with my own two eyes.
“I know what’s in there already.”
Why ask why?
“Just because he voted for a Bush doesn’t mean he’ll ever
lick one.”
Let us end here least we forget that we are composed of
nothing less
than that of which the gods were….
“ Pregnant!!!”
“…born.”
“But Honey—how do you explain this?”
“It would be like kissing my brother.”
…said the lemon hued lass who was, also, alas, a writerly
writer.
All sew.
..and a cistern type-o sass.
Die.
I felt it.
I would say, Dave, for once in my life.
I’m content.
Shit.
Seventy-per centers…
Not happy.
“Back in town looking for employment,”
But content.
Patrick is seated at the Banquet table with all his enemies
“Repent!”
There will always be cigarettes and Lotto.
Smells like tuna and tastes like
chicken
Zelda. Super…
The kingdom of the Father is within you.
“I feel sorrow for her.”
Mega Man. The vegan system.
Metropolis.
Acme comics.
Lums.
The church.
As seen through the tambourine leafy carousel
taut movie screen of
a kaleidoscope.
Transgressions.
The Big Game.
Joseph, come here.
Those of whom he loathes most of all in this world
“I just want to write.”
Hit me Hit me Hit me.
Repent Ye heathens.
It is all fuckin’ good.
Flannel truck drivers’ lifestyle.
Zooooooooooooooooooom.
“I just want a relationship.”
“I wish I could hit it.”
Shalom sister!”
….A family. A wife.
Smurf and Smurf alike
So I told Becky.
“…and no panties.”
“Dave, I’ve been thinking. It’s about time…..”
I just want what’s best…
Rae Lee already has a dad, she needs a father.
“..a girlfriend.”
“For Rae Lee,”
“Zac.”
“Lily Anne.”
“Caitlyn”
“Hunter.”
“….for me to get…..”
Trade the Buick in for a Caddie. Trade the boat in for a
larger boat.
Get another Dodge Ram so the shit from the Foundry doesn’t
crust all over it.
“Every morning I cough up black shit….”
Patrick only calls when he needs something.
“Dave. Gormans.”
“Dude man, Lums.”
“I’m a little short this month. Can you spot me?”
“So I told her, “
how he truly feels period about all the shit that’s been
going on these days
Black shit ringed around my collar, crusty shit coughed up
from the foundry dust.
“At the rate I’m going I figure I’ll be dead ‘sprout come
fifty.”
“Dude, man. I’m a little short.”
“Guess what Dave?”
“Rae Lee already has a dad she needs a father.”
“..no money.”
“Is that the truth…..”
NORMAL ADULTS don’t incessantly consult ten-sided dice
“I slept with…”
“But then Uncle Sam tells me to bend over.”
Patrick once told VonB and Hale that he wants all those guys
Close up on Patrick’s lips and goatee.
And video game cartridges like they are both remnants of the
oracle at fuckin’ Delphi.”
“I’m in love with…..”
Helen’s special homemade lasagna.
Fuckin’ aye.
You’re just going to have to accept the fact that…….
- Bowman and Bushman and Fuckin’ Mr. and Mrs. M and Mario-
“Are you fucking……”
“I’m with…”
“I’m in love with…”
“..she’ll be alright.”
“…someone else.”
“You and not…”
all of the basketball protégé’s to feel, even if it is just for one lousy day
But.
“….him.”
Shit.
Last two syllables rhymes with salvation
You.
Starts with the letter m.
Goddamn truth is that no one.
the way he feels inside-bruised and dead.
“It was
just twice really.”
Owe me.
And she kept crying and lamenting and sweating and
shrilling….
Nathan came in to referee the situation.
What was it that Stephen Dedalus sans the wings said in pig
Latin?
“No. I don’t feel that way…”
“I love you best.”
“My little snuggle-bunny.”
Squabble jabber and the squeal of wheels.
“It always looks so different when I see it in my head.”
Her pace maker indicating that she had fallen past sleep
into…
“And he turned his mind….”
“I want you to come inside me.”
“I want you to come on me.”
“If you really want to know.”
“I want to taste it.”
“I want to get you off.”
“I want to make you feel.”
…to unknown arts.”
“Just what the fuck do you expect me to say?”
Why not?
“Most very pretty girls have pretty ugly feet.”
Karen Pinesol.
“Just want to know how you feel about it.”
“Just want to make you feel.”
“Honey-baby.
Please.
Just tell me.
Revel in this spitwad plurality that we are.
“What makes you …”
“Would you mind if I did…
Does this make you feel like you’re getting…
One.
It’s not about whether or not you come,
“What happened to us?”
Wet.
I love you.
I want to be with you.
I’ve never felt this way before with anyone else before
Ever.
“Over. Capital O over so I never want to see…”
“….it’s about who you come with.”
“Would you like to see a magic trick, little Girl?”
Dave, since you and Kristina are no longer together…..
I’ll take you there
She’ll be alright
Moment that is before
Good stories, too, often have no beginnings.
I was just wondering if…
You could use that as a bookend.
resembles what life on this planet could be like.
…and no ending.
after a nuclear holocaust
Dude man, Fitzies.
What was it Satan said?
“Shit is right, sir.”
“PUSHYHONDA!
PUSHYHONDA!”
Music my parents hate.
He feels like his
heart, as well as everything else in his life,
Non serviam.
Well,
“Dude man,”
“Hold on a second, Hale must have dialed back in.”
is always getting pissed on, by a giant pecker
“I feel like a failure.”
“Hold on.”
“You idiotic fools.
Think about it for a modicum of a moment.
You have wasted every
single thing that was precious inside of you.
“So this is how death arrives.”
A complete and total.
“We don’t remember the beginning of our lives.”
And now, now you must
die’”.
Patrick thinks, his eyes still propped open
Whose owner is also fond of ninety-nine cents bottomless
cups.
“Not with a bang, not with a whimper,
“….I feel this way all the time.”
“…….the equivalent of an academic fuck up.”
but with a fucking guillotine.”
“We sure as fuck won’t remember the end.”
Struck out while the bases were still loaded.
“The failure list.”
What makes you think that art should be reflective of
anything other than how….
“Brook who?”
….disconcerted and fucked up we feel the majority of the
time.
“Oh, I see”
“So like, let’s get on the ball here. I can’t afford to be
paying for you guys every…
“Yeah, Dave well,
dude, look, it’s just that tonight isn’t a good night, that’s all.”
“…week”
“Hello, may I speak with….”
Click.
Laurianne. Amber. Amy from back in da’
"What exactly is it that you do at CAT?"
The HOLE.
Day. Westlake on a school night in autumn. Holly on a
weekend in May.
Running into Dawn Kimble at Rocky’s……
Patrick doesn’t know how to say goodbye.
“We’re going to subway,”
“I’ve seen her tits!”
“I was always quite fond of her.”
“Could swear to Christ that was a British accent.”
The same night I see Eric Bushman bending over the bar,
freckled shoulder’s crunched over his urine dyed domestic
ablution of choice.
MMMMMYellow.
“Hello. May I speak with Ambra Haake? Hello. Ambra? You may
not remember me but…”
"As little as possible."
“Pecker, pecker.”
The parrot peeps.
“So I spent fifteen minutes on the phone trying to explain
to her who I was.”
I’m friends with…
Ejected through his lips like the button on cassette
players, familiar to us growing up…
Spoken with a Hale nod.
I mean, I know you from…..
“Did she remember your ass?”
Patrick says goodbye by saying either ‘Hmmm-umm’ or a
‘mmmyeah.’
“Are you sure it doesn’t ring a bell?”
“Mmmmyellow.”
“No.”
The van-o-Hale is no longer the van-o-Hale.
It has now been transmogrified into a twenty-five thousand
dollar Dodge Ram.
Hale has imminent
plans to purchase another one soon.
“Well, no, not exactly, we never officially met,
although I talked to you once
when Dave talked to you on the phone about three summers ago.”
“I say shit be hittin’ the oscillating fan woman!”
“Go Elvis!”
“Arthur!”
Oooops. He already has…
“We’re fucking flying!”
“And they put creatures, creatures in my mounds.”
I didn’t realized you owned a Corvette.
“Prenuptial what?”
We could easily turn Patrick in right now and split it
fifty-fif….
“Oh, it’s not mine, it’s…”
“BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG.”
If I had it all again I’d change it….
Yet, for the most part, nothing has changed and none of us
have gone very far at all.
No, not very far at all.
Said with his palms rubbing
together…..as if avarice was equitable with warmth…
Or comfort.
“Hit me hit me hit…”
Brook’s body feels like snow and I am late for class and
trudging through it.
Patrick crosses the street.
Shit!
Me.
I doont’ know why.
Institute.
Outside Hollis Lyons house, wondering behind which window
she is stripping.
All
Motherfucker. Damn. Bitch.
Taking off everything.
--I only know
Shit.
Nice one.
No shit, Sherlock.
In what Patrick defines as
either being another life dream thingy
Patrick wonders what if anything is next.
Nothing.
Everything.
All.
A bill that floats through his mailbox, reminding him how
much he owes to be here.
He thinks about love and the last four years.
Laurianne.
I inquire to Patrick
if he had it all again would he change it all.
“Why we Love?”
“I’m pretty sure she would understand.
I’m pretty sure she would understand if I just tell her how
I feel.”
He just looked at me as if I even had to ask that question
in the fucking first place.
To make sure no one
truly fucks with the narrative
strand of his own optical birdcage of reality
It all seems more or less like a fucking dream.
“We can’t remember
the beginning of out lives.
“If you wanna see what the inside of my heart looks like….”
“Not to me she’s not.”
“all you gotta do is look down.”
We can’t remember the end.
Be sure to adjust
the visor on your halo first though and hold on tight
“Only in the bedroom, that is,”
The machine possessed the uncanny ability to stitch brane
holographic images together
Why should fiction have a beginning or an end?”
And create a mirror pool of reality
It made sense at the time.
As most things do.
“Another reason I don’t mind leaving Peoria right now
Where is it
you're going, boy? What is it you're trying to do?
“Hey good lookin’-whatcha got cookin?”
“So I dub thee unforgiven.”
Four Hours of Opera!
Four Hours of…
She’s just
someone whom I talk about all the time whose face and features I…
GAME OVER
We were having a party at either 2013 or Nathan’s old dig on
Barker. It’s the type o’ party we used to have all the time when we were like
seventeen or eighteen. The parents would be out of town and one of us would
wake up in Beth or Jenny’s room with a hangover and our face between Sarah
LaFont’s kneecaps. At this party we somehow run out of booze. All the beer is
bobbing like a stowaway overboard barrel in the bathtub and by the time we get
to it there’s just empty card board and ice chips. So Pat, what do we do? We
leave and go out for more booze. “
Her eyelids crook and then uncrook.
“It was quote, unquote, the right thing so to do.”
is because pretty much more or less everyone who I love will
be with me.”
He thinks when they open up his hearse a field of
butterflies
will fall up and flutter in front of faces and shocked lips.
Brooksie number one is tugging near her navel and telling
both Dave’s to look,
white cotton.
Dustin is shaking his head back and forth.
A cigar friendly establishment.
I can drive with my dick.
It
still had feelings and ambitions and dreams.
HAAAAAACCCCCCCH. SPOOOCCCTCCCHHH.
“Do man, did you bust a nut?”
“Dude.”
“Dude.”
“Dude?”
Nod of head.
Suspension bridge smile.
It still had a family and a house and a
retirement fund.
“DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE.”
Hale keeps going outside to fire up yet another stogie.
Soon we shall all congregate at LUMS.
“’Member baby, just pull a Marley.
Every little thing is
gonna be alright.
He is, still a virgin, yet he would not confess this to
either Patrick or Hale.
Von Behren says what sounds like the words could buy before
he hangs up.
Patrick said that for his one-year wedding anniversary
he would just like someone to be here, now, with him,
because the person whom he married…
Does here come after now?
…because the one person he married
Could buy—for how much is never stated.
By here we all assume that he meant with him.
Is not.
World enough and time.
“Where are we?”
What did you get me?
“Where are you?”
None of us really knew what it was like say four five years
ago.
Patrick still remembers looking into David’s eyes after
Before Sunrise.
Patrick still remembers not saying it.
“How about, say, in central park.”
Thinking it.
“A city falls on you.”
“Whereas one can not speak; thereof one must be silent.”
“……”
I love you.
Wittgenstein once said that in another life form.
“Shit.”
I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
…some Wisconsin condoms?
It’s funny—is a memory more like a valence or a cloth.
I still think about Renae Howard.
Something you can see though—
A memory is like panties, one of us once said, once
removed…..
I’ve never felt this way before with anyone else before
…something that you can see but cannot touch.
“It’s either still moist or it’s dry as fuck…
ever.
All
this really is is just a bad dream.”
“Funny, I never considered Tim Flanagan male,”
… you have to lick it to make something happen.
I tell Patrick that Riley Love wears cheap bras
and is what one might labeled as Lane Bryant mature.
He says that it’s never been about that with him.
Back up and into the good ol’ fashion state of
Elle-en-noise.
Here is a picture of 8th grade graduation:
We look like we are lined up for a swim competition. The
altar of God behind us.
The holy altar of something higher than a state basketball
tournament.
Both Holly and Karen are visible in this picture.
Even in high school, Patrick was dissed by fourteen year old
fathers
with fat lips and ‘fros who referred to Patrick by his
rather androgynous Acronym.
“We don’t drink as much as we should.”
Patrick, don’t look at me like that.
Sometimes Von Behren acts in a stealth uppity ash flicking
panache fashion
suggesting he knows something that really everybody else
knows too.
That the earth is kinda two-stepped tangoing with the sun.
Don’t bite your thumb and pretend you are mulling over
cosmic theorems or whatever
This solar orb.
anyoldways
The grand daughter who steps on her Fathers Sunday patent
leathers at the reception to act like a grown up.
All of us have at one time wondered if we are allowed to sit
at the grown up table.
When Patrick protrudes his tongue I can swear I see the rope
ladder
that guy from NASA really did or did not inquire about.
“.....and we’re outside Super liquors waiting for someone
who is of age and for some reason we have to wait a long ass time. I mean it feels like suns and moon are
boomeranging back in forth, it feels like the whole fuckin’ universe and
pocketed cosmos have been twist tied with wire sheath and thrown out with the
day after Christmas trash.....and we are all outside of Super liquors, situated
on one of the
yellow concrete thingies passing a camel back between us.
Passing it back and forth like a tennis match, only, after a while we realize
that the sun didn’t move all that much to begin with.
Even now as I strike so called alphabetical slashes and
teeter off
into my nocturnal wasteland, I can still hear David and
Patrick’s voice saying,….
In Unison
“Dude/Dave—
You’re trying to hard.”
“ And we sit there outside of LUMs and Super Liquors, all
the while the party is still transpiring at good ol’ 2013 w. Sherman. I mean Brooksie and Angie and Margot w. the
killer ass and Goth Dan who is now on a Submarine, even Patrick’s Jenny and
Strickler and Allan and Kelly and Sarah LaFont whose dress is just a little too
short on purpose. There’ll all back at the dig.
Long live the Van O Hale. Long live the Church.
Long live BB guns shot in Patrick's basement.
Long live Graffiti scrawled out on his bedroom wall.
The Playboy pinball
machine.
Wild Side Gentlemen’s club.
Club Cabaret.
Big Al’s,
Gorman’s on a Tuesday
night.
Jimmy’s,
The Red Foxx Den.....
If I pinch you right now you would be unable to tell
What would be the purpose of a photograph if the face did
not seem to touch you?
exactly which reality you are in
Eyes and teeth and lips and nose—all shoot out towards you.
“.... and it seems like we have been waiting forever.”
“ if you go back deep enough we have a secret chamber that
belongs just to us.”
Patrick hands me a sheet with seven digits on it an the name
of Jesus’ mother
scrawled on it and Hale looks to Von B as if to say see, you
owe me five bucks.
I can still remember a fifth grade David Hale
watching wrestle mania five and saying:
“Now that must have really hurt.”
“Is there such a thing as time Patrick?”
Forms residual chalk circles with our autumnal memoirs.
“We’re Pregnant.”
“Is Lee part of her first or middle name?”
Contrary to what Patrick Aaron will have you believe, he
never did kick
Dave Lyons in the nads when he truantly exited Six Flag,
April 1991.
None of the boys have yet to graduate
from any academic institution higher than high school.
“But he did so cordially summon up the adolescent gall to
inform Mr. Lyons that, yes,
indeed, at the school sock-hop, he and Holly Lyons did in
fact,
hop on the good foot and do the bad thing.”
Both Patrick and David Von Behren have at one time,
though not at the same time been employed by Cullom-Davis
Library.
Both Dave and Dave and Sleazy P-Martini have, at one time,
worked Christmas at B. Dalton bookseller.
“Do you mind if I help myself,”
Patrick and Randall would like to add that they too, at one
time, have shoplifted
Playboys and Penthhouses from B. Dalton booksellers,
without the conscious morally objective cognizance of their
friends.
“Zachary—can you say Metallica?”
Patrick has a picture of Laurianne on a bus in France and
she looks just plain sexy.
Warren would like to add that there is just no way possible
that Nintendo Power
would have an entire issue dedicated to the secret levels of
Miss March.
Hale and VonB and Patrick all donned ties like willing
albatrosses around Adams apples
the day of the Barnes and Noble interview, late May, 1996.
“Oh. Nothing. I just hate womanizers.”
You’re the one who revealed all this shit to me…”
Patrick continues to
bleed tears.
Tim will more than likely die a virgin, with few of his
close friends
scattered around his deathbed.
“Don’t worry about writing a eulogy. We’ll just roll a
dice.”
Seven he dies.
Damn.
What’s next.
BLAM!!
Where is it
you're going, boy? What is it you're trying to do?
Long live Mickey's Ice and Lums and conversations that twist
like creek road.
Nothing, I just abhor dickheads.
Memories drop like tears in a white jugged-eared chalice.
The longing after the draped sunset sweet vignette.
Long live the accumulating lime fizz of Rolling Rock.
Long live the dapper Dave Thompson's, “What ya’ gonna do?” culinary mantras
scattered with wine corks and pâté and Dave McDonald's folk
songs.
Lums.
The source seemed not as it was only because we could not
fathom it at the time no other way for which it could
possibly be.
The rush and swirl of voices scattered in every direction.
A flood of friends and a feeling that you are not suffering
and/or dying alone in this world.
Rolling smoke after smoke, green clouds this autumn
A candle which looked like a Chinese bridge from a distance.
“Patrick?”
“Dude man”
in this particular frame of time/space.
“Mr. Von Behren,”
“Patrick?”
“MmmYellow.”
“Daaaavvvvveeeee.”
“Do we live in this world or are we on this world?”
“Do you mind?”
“Talk about being hard up for a pack of smokes.”
“I lost it.” Said very, very simply.
It felt like she was my sister.
“Patrick, do you know how to define…”
Welcome to Tim Flanagan country-rivulets and riverbeds Rue
and Remorse.
None of us ever did get laid in high school.
A reflection of ourselves in the backseat of cars.
Hale imitating Margot Willard.
Mock twelve.
That’s seven fucking minutes.
Dave asking us if life is nothing more than a desultory day
dream.
VRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM.
SLLLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRPPPPP
“Dave, dude, beer.”
E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM
I want to see your psyche Bloom like a rose in late August.
Don’t try to play me out.
“I’m an Irish-G…..”
You were like fuckin’ wigger boy back then.
A working class American whose garage door just will not
shut the fuck up.
I didn’t start crying until I heard you cry.
“And people be talkin’ about me mother.”
Patrick, how does it feel like to be a complete human
being vs. a very sophisticated animal.
I remember Patrick telling me that if you pinch the tongue
of a cat…
I charge it. I charge it with everything I fuckin’ got.
while the feline is sleeping it will wake up and go apeshit.
Dave
“Patrick—what’s wrong? You sound pensive.”
You and your fucking twenty-four carrot words.
“What’s wrong?”
I’m only twenty-three.
Cat got your tongue?
Fuckin’ aye.
“Shit be hittin’ the oscillating fan, woman.”
WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
“Imagine, the two of us and only three beers.”
“Patrick, what are you and Jenny going to have?”
I’ve got sand in my
clit!
“…an hermaphrodite?”
WHEEEEEEWWWW-WHOOOOOOOOOOO,
“Both Patrick and I got free parking.”
It’s the story, of a lovely lady.....
“I say shit be hittin’ it!”
You have the moment in time that is before,
Hale has a way of making everything sound like the inside of
a comic book
BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG
“Foundered.”
Advantage Pat.
“We barely kissed.”
“Patrick the ‘better than you ass fucker’ wins again.”
“I never came right out and just asked them.”
“Virgin.”
“What Strick, who or what the fuck is Elmo?”
“Na-na-na-na-na na.”
“No, who or what the fuck is life.”
“How the fuck?”
“Smurf-n-smurf alike.”
“Life’s a bitch, then you marry one, then you die.”
Wake up, there’s a mission to accomplish.
“Hey good lookin’-whatcha got cookin?”
“Dude,”
“So I dub thee unforgiven.”
Don’t sport fuck something I already laid pipe on.
“’Bout time.”
“Shall I roll again?”
“There are very altruistic motives for doing that, sir.”
“E-e-e-e-e-e-e-e.”
“Hey Kristina….”
“Whoever smelt it dealt it.”
“…are you wearing any panties?”
“Ewe-gross.”
“Dave, can you get me home in about fifteen minutes.”
“More coffee?”
“What I wouldn’t give to bend that over the table and….”
PATRICK
“You’re sexually active?”
“Yeah baby. Bra. Take it off. Yeah!
“Hey Matt, guess what I’m not wearing any...”
“No, of course cavalier and amorous Patrick said nothing of
the sort.”
“ Oh, that’s only if you’re socially challenged.”
“We don’t have to date, we can just…”
“Fuck. Coffee. More coffee. Need more coffee.”
“More like a lot of WD-40.”
Doesn’t matter, you’re my sister, DIE.
Still it didn’t work.
BLAM.
DIE.
Patrick hears yet does not respond
“I think you mean Lebanese, Allan, sweetheart.”
Holly, doll, we have no time. We need to jump.
Shit.
Now.
Now.
This is the way I want it all to end
Listen up.
Patrick was all of three weeks shy of eight when he
realized…
Liquor in the morning.
Liquor in the evening.
Most people did not use tackle boxes to store little
people.
Liquor when her daddy ain’t home.
“A little shaving cream, a box of eggs, and look…”
I Got my tan in Hawaii.
Hey-ay Patrick…
Hale Pauses.
“But sir, he provoked me.”
“We thrust her all the way down to Florida.”
This is the way I want it.
“Isn’t that right, dummy?”
“And then we thrust her all over and in the fine state of
Florida.”
“Richard I’ll peck…”
This is the way I want it all.
“And then we thrusts all of the hers which we previously
thrusted back from Florida
up and into the good
old fashion state of Illinois.”
“Her.”
“Hey man did you build this?”
A demon sent form Hell, hell, hell.
“It’s pretty cool.”
I was in NO man’s land.
Amy, did he get me.
I can’t believe he wants us to wear these.
“Need to make it realistic.”
No, I swear, someone had a gun.
And in the dream you
held a gun, you killed off all who hurt you.
Four Hours of Opera!
Four Hours of…
Hour Father.
“Good stories, too, often have no beginning…
And left me there the
only one who would not dare desert you.
Hour father.
“….and no endings…”
What must your brother be thinking?”
“Pizza. Pizza. I want my Pizza.”
Nathan said that about me.
Banana.
“Do you want breast or thighs sugah, cuz’ I just so happened to have a pair of both.”
“Hollow wed be thee-end thine Bannana-oh!
Pizza.
Cigarettes.
“He ate four big foots,
eight bowls of cereal
four liters of cherry Pepsi
then turned to me and
asked what’s for dinner.”
…and no panties.”
…one for me and one for you baby, yeah.”
“You did tell him it was just a story, right?”
“It’s a secret my old man (bless ‘em) once taught me.”
Pushyhonda.
Ickywicky my….
“You can learn a lot from the elbow-grease ingenuity of a
McReynolds…”
Far-lar-lar-lar-lar
“Shut the fuck up.”
Lar lar lar
“You’re demented!”
Lar.
I was just concerned about the ramifications, sir.
“This isn’t like the last time, this time it’s for real.”
“If we are going, we are going out in style.
That’s aye-aye Juggernaut, asswipe.
Dip-dip.
“Shit—Glory wasn’t even four hours.”
Matt, over there, across the street. Look.
Oh, I’m not calling from the payphone.
There’s a totally naked Hindu girl performing a striptease
with a jelly roll donut.
Kristina Rock: (Subtle Shrug of Shoulders.)
“Welcome to Florida Pat.”
“Hey—that almost hit my ear.”
“Told you I could.”
Inside the mall there is not a whole lot of difference…
We’re quiet as two
mannequins.
Fuckin’ decaf. No way.
he can’t ask a girl out for the life of him w/o seeing the
look of every other girl
Truth and the light.
Bush is and ok band, but an even better president.
“Matt—all I want is Dick.”
“Dude man, let’s climb it.”
Was it good for you baby?”
Has he ever been in love with.
“Huh?”
“What?”
I want us to pull a Lazarus and resurrect Lums.
“Patrick, it’s dark down here, I can’t see where I’m going.”
“Whew-hoo.”
“All the good ones are…”
“I said…”
Shit.
Fuck.
Motherfuck...
Er!
Shithead!
Oh mama.
Patrick, it’s dark down here, I can’t see where I’m
“Can it with a jar of ill pickles.”
“Was it good for you, baby?”
Patrick, you’re not as thought as I dumb you were.”
God damn you bumfuck Bowman.
“If you really wanna know the truth.”
“I can’t believe he wants us to wear these.”
It felt a little odd getting so close to someone…
“The truth stains, brother.”
Jenny and I have decided that we’re not fucking,
Dave, I have never even been with anyone,
We’re making love
And then having them leave right away.
Dave, meet me in Bradley park
“You should’ve seen what else I taught them how to do.”
I’ve got a business proposition to ask you
...and you have the moment that is after.
dude man, that’s us.
“It’s a long story.”
You know how I feel about that...
If I had it all again......
“Here, you’re drinking it wrong.”
Never care for what they say
My fuzzy-navel colored goatee as she always called it
barefoot, pregnant and slobbing on his knob
“Dude, before you go through with this…..”
I’ve been looking for something to feel up my time....
“…you just have to realize one thing……
“What I mean by that is…”
“I suggest you hold the fuck on sir.”
“Zac, do you like play-dough, honey. Do you?”
Patrick, sounding very much like one W. Axl Rose,
his pointer finger
extended like a plank anchored in a vessel of responsibility
and remorse telling Jenny that she’s not the only one so
there.
“Maxima,”
In another life Von Behren was an electric troubadour from
Manchester
telling everyone what
it felt like to be free.
Hollis Lyons, Cabbages McCranahan, Jenny what’s her ass,
“I’ve always fancied Aristotle myself.”
“Is not a real creature.”
A picture of Laurianne on a bus.
“What I mean by that is that friends are supposed to treat
each other like friends.”
Stop.
“So Dave, wheel chairs turn you on, hey?”
“Patagonia, baby.”
“Your problem is that you only see one side of the question.
“Nothing, it’s just that I can’t stand womanizers...
“All I want is someone I can just cuddle up with,”
Hot Damn.
Pussy.
“Comeon. Comeon you pantsy ass.”
Naughty Momma.
“Let’s go to the medicine cabinet.”
Dave, dude, that’s us.
Nude and natural, the way God intended.
“That’s why Patrick is always panhandling us up for spare
change”
It’s hard watching Dave cry.
I didn’t start to cry until....
DA’ CHURCH.
My grandmother died.....
“Bastard.”
Von Behren has his glasses doffed and cached in the top
Vanessa?
She’s just
someone whom I talk about all the time whose face and features I…
… can’t Fwap. Dion sings.
Ron Osborn
Lil’ Flapjacks to go along with your flannel, cowboy?
All women are Money-grubbing whores.
“Dude man, if you really wanna kick, try this one.
Just add instant coffee to the kind you brew.
“Seriously.”
Patrick nods his head in a Murdock A-team psychosomatic
fashion.
Of yeah, all the time. Try it. If you’re really adventurous
you can try adding
instant coffee to Pepsi its like fifty percent caffeine.
Do you have Zac this weekend?
She giggles. A laugh spreads across the folds her visage
like dawn.
Heather laughs like she is throwing up. In a way, Patrick
finds it deadly amusing.
Patrick is nonplussed.
A tie silk and lingering near his laps,
“Patrick peruses over Von Berhen’s manuscript
“Coffee. Need more coffee.”
Becky had another girl....
Dave and Dave’s friend Dave is singing a line about when
everything is said and done
he’s hope we’ve all had our fun.
“We have reasons to
be concerned with your son,”
“Dude, Dave, we need coffee.....”
Tim said that.
Laurianne, it is time for you to fly.....
“The single thing proves over and over again to be
unimportant....”
“Dave, look, you don’t understand....”
“I was just wondering if you could come over....”
What sort of fucking world are we living in
“Shouldn’t we stop by and say hi to Misses McReynolds or
something.”
Nothing else fucking matters except...
Where you can’t see reality for what it really is
David has written a poem for Edna Bailey, who is no longer
with us.
“What the fuck do you mean I can’t go to my own mothers’
funeral?”
so you keep concocting scenarios to justify the validity of
your own existence?
“Hey, good looking. What, you got cooking?”
Her body was there but it felt like…
“Last Time Nate was back in town he invited me to go to
Cleveland with him.”
“Honey, how do you explain this.......?”
“Nate once sang a Bryan Adams song to me. He said that he,
too, would run too me.
Those were his very words.”
…like a stupid DC box that was empty
Communism you conceited cunt
In a room with pictures of Angels painted into the thick
pastels of the ceiling,
a girl asks her ex-boyfriend for her story back and then
pulls the ring of from her palm.
You’ll just have to get use to the idea that I’m with him
and not you.
“Not in this day dream we damn near don’t.”
I still see her from time to time.
“Dude, I know you said Kristina looked like Julie Delpy....”
“Now, it’s all about this coos, who’s a regular...”
“No, we’ll have Decaf.
We’re pregnant.”
Nursing a hardon all the
way up to the heavens.
“Where’s my poem, David?”
“Garcon, coffee,”
“The first thing I’ll do when I hit O’Hare is hit all the
Starbucks...”
“Oh my god Dave. Oh my god.”
Warren McReynolds stands tall and reticent as Patrick pops
into the Charter
like he did the locker in front of Martha Thomas our first day of high school.
A look of “Told you I could.” Glued to his lips.
A copy of Anne Rice planted in his palm. He heaves a
military bag over his shoulder.
He is anticipating the flight.
I thought you guys we’re my....
“She’ll be alright, but you owe me.”
“That coffee tasted like brewed kitty litter.”
The turkeys’ name is Patrick....
I won’t say it......
How do you feel....
“What makes you horny?”
“What gets you off?”
“Garcon means…”
“Do you smoke grass?”
Hey-hey Patrick, what about your heart?
“But Dave, she’s like fuckin’ ten years older than you.”
“Jenny and I are having a …..”
Minds the first thing to go.
Patrick likes kissing with his the lids to his eyes peeled
back
“Then she slowly removes all of hers.”
OK, I won’t tell you how much I paid for it.
“Shit, brother, I remember when you used to listen to
Kriss-Kross.”
“Dave, no man I’m serious…”
“I don’t want to die....”
“When I was little, I hated being young.”
“...but I’ll think it.”
“What exactly do you do at Cat besides piss in the corporate
litter box?
And get fucked over by your paycheck?”
“This is Riley Love who is this?”
Timm and Chuck are not a gay couple.
Two weeks before his high school graduation
still in the early nineties
a boy who is about ready to enlist in a banquet of
camouflage is talking about remorse.
Only Mr. Flanagan, proud, stood up,
As a recently enlisted U.S. Air force stood up in Minen
field.
“Tim, you’re not going to believe who Patrick has at his
house right now!”
“A voice said that.”
Pause.
“I’m not sure if it was because I was drunk...”
“Seventeen dollars ended up missing.”
In Atlanta living with some dancer.
“If it was because I was still sort of Jet lagged and
intermittently fatigued.”
“Dude man, us on three beers, no way.”
“But I heard the voice.”
“Now that must’ve
really hurt.”
“She’ll be alright....”
“I will be there.”
Dude
Then he threw his bike over the Chinese Bridge.
I lost it
Once when drunk Patrick suggested that maybe all God really
is
“I told him that I was living with Reed and that I was in
love.”
is a giant GM
I fucking lost it
and all of our
actions are being ordained by the random
“But you owe me.”
Patrick is motioning with his hands and telling us all not
to let the days go by.
Everything drowned before it even touched water.
That’s Bye. B-Y-E.
drop of a celestial pair of ten-sided dice
“I shit you not, I will be there.”
A few months after this idea was conceived and crafted,
all three boys would ask themselves
“If I had it all again I’d change it ……”
“This is Riley Love, who is this?”
what is it exactly they were before they made something of
themselves.
A winteresque gale of logic where one is equal to many is
equal to three
is equal to every single fucking thing.
Fuckin’ aye.
I will roll the dice and if it is higher than a 12 he will
have a child-
One boy would say not fuckin’ much except for a divorce and
a kid,
the other would say that he is content yet not happy,
if not a miscarriage.
the other would say fuck to all this shit and end up blowing
his creative wad on Microsoft Word for ten hours a day,
Autumn,
two-fucking-thousand, the year of our load.
Sail with me. On the swift sea of anonymity, ambivalence and
rift filtered waters.
They say this is what happens when a man and women live
together long enough.
Eventually they get married and forget about everything that
has ever happened.
Six.
It’s a gaw-age
sail.
Damn.
Could dictate what my characters options were
In your cosmology you will always be a failure.
Damn.
Try again.
“Man, you play too much.”
“The Hole?”
We’ve made something
of ourselves.
that I could some how
roll a double and maybe
Dude,
Fuckin’ aye. Damn right Captain.
Or they just forget,
Hale at a party imitating a Howard Stern moving and then
quoting lines by William Shakespeare.
It is all fucking good
you gotta love how bleak I made Peoria
mathematics and epistemics prove to be empty and
Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments.
“The sewer opening in Bradley Park.”
Kill, Kill, Kill, the White Man,
Love is not Love which alters when its alterations find.
Nor bend,
that numbers curve their way into infinity like the
racetrack
Brooke Ferraro.......
Is youth a baptism or a chalice?
.........like the car, bitch.
So the story goes.
“Shit! God Damnit Timm and Amber and Chuck.”
“Ahhhhhhhhhhh-hum-mmmmmmmmm.”
“Sluuuuuuuuurllllllllllllllllllllllllllips.”
“Jackie, oh. Shit. Yeah. Jackie. Mama.”
If only one of your voices could narrate the scene
finally able to see the world as he says quote, was and
always will be
No. You’re not interrupting.”
“Zipppppp.”
“I was just finished anyway. Beside I was wondering, if,
well.”
“Jackie. Yes. Spank that Long Fellow.”
“The turkey’s name is Pat?”
End quote
as if a silhouette of someone gray and ominous
It was here, dangling from the back of his underwear
dwells behind him monitoring his every move.
“Shit.”
Patrick seriously
bites down hard into his bottom lips and asks God for a chance.
“….thank you.”
“It is Amy, isn’t it?”
“Drink Patrick.
A galaxy born, ignited in the passion of their breath.
The thing is Pete
uttering the most beautiful five letter word starting with a
P word known to man
“It was a failed campaign. I mean…”
Frogger always says bye-bye and VonBehren cordially exhausts
a have a good one
So the story goes on…
Drink of your father’s spilled blood.
We really thought we had a chance of doing something
together.
“Perhaps we should go somewhere else and like……..”
anotherlifedreamthingy
I love you.
The black and white square photographs immortalized inside
Christ Lutheran Yearbook from sixteen years ago resembles perhaps LUMS back
kitchen-or Brooks bathroom after our News years eve fete. Dirty tiles of
classroom grouped together in barnyard array. Here Holly Lyons is pony tailed
and insouciant. Her smile is more of a grin ushered by the smart-ass school
photographer’s plea. Her face is that of the solstice moon. Her body that
feeling that is not quite fall and not quite winter. A chill embraces and taps
down the back of your spine like mediocre plumbing in the apartment you pay too
much rent for.
Click.
Even though she is sweet as skim milk she says she can still
taste the fat.
I felt that if only one of you guys could role the dice.
Switch this on the side for panoramic. Twist this right here
for flash.
“Yellow.”
I want to be with you.
“Here,” Patrick notes momentarily
“I’ve been looking for something to fill in my time
You eat.
removing his hands from the handlebars to fire up a smoke.
“Dude, that’s us.”
Patrick “The great” Mullowney.
I love the familiarity and domestic constitution the
mini-van represents
“Let me show you some more of my heart.”
Patrick seriously bites down hard into his bottom lips
asks God for a
chance.
Patrick’s verbal response to Von Behren after Before Sunrise
Can you believe this shit?
but I was hoping it’d be about 5’11, 115 lbs. With lots of
curves.”
You shit.
“Sure. Reading. I know literature.”
Patrick “
“ McReynolds
I’ve never felt this way before with anyone else ever.
“Shut up Dave.”
You dream.
Patrick “the better
than he is so there” McReynolds”
It was as if there were something burrowed
Can you believe it, Wolvie?
Lums is no longer there
“A little Anne Sexton
burrowed within his
chest that until that day
Can you believe we fucking did it?
That certain things, certain vectors, certain dimensions and
enigmas
You fish Jeremiah out of the ostriched toilet every damn
day.
Remain hidden from us
“Thank you.”
“Baby it’s only my imagination,
Look at us
something that was pent up and released in a time capsule
inside his chest
West Peoria was a slab of butter sliced off the west end of
Peoria.
Apprehensive and giddy and all the threshold of change
Not to me she’s not
Behind Bradley Park, Minnen field resembled a birthday cake
all lit up.
Pat Mc’ Crotch.
When you die everything fades and dims
and could only have been properly channeled under duress
circumstances
When it comes to love you get knocked down more times than a
bowling pin.
due to the fact that we are still innately primitive
strangers to our brains
“There was the moment when the four of us
…then there were the days when it felt like old times-felt
like LUMS again.
and still learning how to use such a potent, ingenious too
Felt like home.
Your body is still alive although your soul is dead
Think about it
the two Dave’s, myself and you
Tim Flanagan’s house has been completely razed
It’s the complete opposite of what they teach us here.
Whew-who.
Everybody does know exactly what they are doing.
Perhaps maybe what our whole Planet really is
“Babe, it’s my only ammunition for survival.”
were more than just separate units
Hale informing us that he is just going to take his sweet
little old time.
Oh look, a bird.
functioning in a lackluster mammalian fashion on this planet
“Give him up. He’s a fuckin’ visionary.”
Florida.
“Gentlemen one, two, on the double.”
He-he.
something happened and the four of us were
Can you believe Pat fell for that shit once again?
is just one burrowed Time capsule
“…to the fuckin’ rest of our lives.”
Finally we’ve made something of ourselves.
one
In life we sometimes crash.
Mission a—
This is the way I want it all to end
Now move people
We sometimes fly
“I wanted you or Tim to be there.”
what if all this stuff is for is just to blind you to the
real truths about life
Von Behren speaks, outside the narrative.
We sometimes fall
as to why we’re here—as to what our purpose is.
Brother, you cannot deny this
He has finally found the one thing in his life that seems
real
When you die everything fades and dims
“Just drive,”
We sometimes fail,
Hell was what happened, Pete.
...chief.
“I failed Judith,”
He keeps walking
Young man. Do you hear me?
that was planted in the thick arable soil of the MilkeyWay
“Sidey, read to us all that you wrote, just curious.
So Patrick, if you’ll excuse me, I believe, sir
Look, over there. It’s beer, beer and woman.”
Having no clue just where the fuck he is
And then we go at it again
Patrick thinks, all this really is, is just a dream.
He says, not looking directly at her.
I want to tell my friends that it has been ten years
searching in vain for something that might not exist
’Roll it out for your brothers now.”
and having little less insight on the direction on which he
is going
Patrick says in a manner suggesting that he is almost
certain he will find out one day.
or that already existed all along
it was nice knowing
all about you
And don’t stop for the life of you.
So, you’re part of this. You’re part of this mission
“You forgive me.”
And in Argenfuckingtina of all places
If you want to know
the answer to all of lives inevitable queries,
“It is here indeed.”
all you have to do
is look thataway
Before she comes back to you.
we just haven’t manufactured the technology to optically
locate it yet.”
Whataway?”
In your cosmology you will always be a failure.
I shit you not, I will be there.”
a voice, addressing him as young man,
I thought we weren’t adjourning to LUMS
‘til noonish
And a menu please
Wondering where he just so happened to leave and then come
back to.
asking him when the fuck he plans on making something of
himself?
“I love it up here.”
But Kris, all this time—
Look at us.
Jenny tells Patrick to quit daydreaming in the windshield,
Hale offers a hearty take care people and a personal love
you man
Allan, step on thee gas
one seems to know you here
We need to finish the game
All this occurred, by the way, several, several years ago
And everything you love about her dies with her
Warren’s Honda revs up with a smokers cough
“Patrick, I’m part of you.”
when the song ends it feels like the whole thing has somehow
been choreographed.
You need to roll higher than a seven
That he is not going to stand still and watch the world pas
him by any longer
That’s all we’ve got to do.
I can smell those
emu burgers from here
“I fucking failed.”
while we were all quite young.
Patrick said he’d be right back
Not for the goddamn muthafuckin’
life of you
“I’ve gotta go.”
Just finish the game.
informing him to
let her off at the next left please.
“Just a question, that’s all.”
Their adventured died, a long, long time ago.
the moment when before and after becomes before and after.
I found it.
All this time what possibly could
have possessed you to stay
“Patrick?”
I found it. I finally found
That one moment completely fucking
changes the discourse of your life
“More coffee would be delightful.”
“You ever dream girl?”
You need to roll higher than a
seven.
“Patrick, where does a child come
from?”
I
once vividly remember asking in another time.
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